Another Vigil

On Wednesday, March 19, members and friends of Move On in more than 900 locations around the US mourned with vigils and demonstrations the onset of the war which began five years ago . About 30 people gathered in the Voorheesville gazebo and lined the streets with candles and signs imploring the government to "support" our troops by removing them from the carnage in Iraq. It was a miserable night, cold and rainy, and as I stood there complaining about my nose running I thought about the sun and sweat and flies that our soldiers endure on the best of their days. And the i.e.d.s and the suicide bombers and constant threat of impending dismemberment they live with. I felt myself getting angry. Almost everyone I talk to, even if they supported the war in the beginning, has come to view it as a horrible mistake. The Bush administration has made us fools in the eyes of the world, made a mockery of civil rights and the Constitution, ruined our reputation and our economy and our quality of life in ways that will continue to reverberate for generations. They have tragically sacrificed the lives of not just the 4000 members of the military who have died, but the thousands more who are brain-damaged and maimed, and the families who love them. I write letters, I sign petitions, I light my candles and call my congressmen. I get discouraged. For five years now, nothing I have done seems to have made any impact on the way things continue to be. Indeed, they just keep getting worse and worse, and not enough people are getting angry. A few days ago Dick Cheney, when confronted by the fact that 2/3 of Americans are now against the war, said, "Who cares?" Well, it is time to make him care. We should have had 300 people in Evergreen Park last night - we should have had 3000. Every American should be screaming in the streets. When I get discouraged, I think of my grandchildren finding my protest signs in the garage in twenty years and laughing because their grandmother was a wacko. I want them to be proud of me.

No Heaven will ever Heaven be..

unless my cats are there to welcome me. (unk)

I have been rummaging today and finding memories of Oliver. The snow is falling and as I sit at my desk the view out the window is much the same as the day Ollie sat on the sill, waiting to die. My heart breaks new each time I think of him.

I have sent the Valentines to Oregon and shed my tears over that, too. I saw Mad's friend Mason this week and he has gotten so big. It's hard to imagine what the kids look like. A year and a half apart is a lifetime when kids are growing and grandmas are old. I think about dying without seeing them again.

Lauren was here until three this morn. Drinking wine and crying. She thinks she cares so much about other people when in reality she is so wrapped up in herself that she has never even bothered to know me. How I wish I had talked to my mother when I had the chance. I have a hundred poems spread out around me that my family has never read. I want someone to care about my life, to read my poems and talk about who I am.

Nobody knows me.

sad today